Finding gratitude within chaos
Saturday, April 14th, 2007I haven’t blogged lately (I feel so cool saying that) because I’ve been so busy with … everything. I’m overwhelmed, truthfully. I was a puddle of tears yesterday, then tried to pull myself together by splashing water on my face and taking a few deep breaths. I called Andrea to talk “business,” and of course burst into tears the moment I heard her voice. You would love Andrea. She was understanding and reassuring as always – and she insisted that I get outside for a run (or walk) and some fresh air. Look AWAY from the computer! Chris (my husband) was great too – he suggested I take our sweet, 9 year old, sedentary, almost completely blind yellow lab Daisy with me on my run. I pointed out that I am a VERY FAST runner, and Daisy may not be able to keep up – which we both knew was false! I ran solo and listened to Paul Simon on my iPod (the same album we had playing during my final hour of labor with Charlotte). I felt better after that, and I feel better still today.
I guess I’m sharing this to say, “We’re in this together, Milk Mamas.” Though I’ve graduated from the newborn stage (phew), I still struggle with how to meet the needs of my kids, who are 3 and 5 years old now – and constantly long for my attention, just as I long to soak up their amazing personalities and boundless love. (In fact, Mary is on my lap, poking me with a pencil as I type this.) I can’t even complete one uninterrupted sentence when speaking with my husband, never mind having an actual conversation. I am forever behind in my job as a full-time Marketing Program manager at IBM. I could work 24/7 and still be behind. I woefully neglect my friends (if you’re reading this, please forgive me!). I have learned the hard way not to neglect myself so much, though I still sometimes forget. And then there’s the book. I wish so much that I could work on it full-time, reaching out to more people, connecting with more moms, writing related articles and such.
Some days it feels like WAY too much to hold. But when I take a step back and think about it, maybe it’s not too much. Granted, I do have a very full and hectic life. And Lord knows I have plenty of challenges. At the same time, I have so many blessings it’s mind-boggling. One of these days, the intensity of work, family and life will simmer down – and I’ll probably look back and miss this time of utter commotion.
You probably have overwhelming, tearful days too, right? It’s not easy, is it? Well, at least we can take comfort in knowing we’re not alone. And we can be grateful for the fullness and pace of our daily lives.
I better go. Mary has found every pen in my office and is drawing apples, mountains and waterfalls all over my work papers. Thanks for listening. xoxo, Cate